Spring and summer is the time to bloom. Many young couples prefer these months to tie the knot and enter a new life.
Married life is not a bed of roses. Actually it is full of thorns. But it’s up to the individuals to convert it into a beautiful perennial garden where there is always colour and fragrance.
I want to pass on the wisdom that I have acquired in my married life that lasted thirty five years, until my husband passed away. I admit that it was not flawless, but just as life is not perfect, marriages are not meant to be without fault either. They are bound to have ups and downs. There are moments when you want to die for each other and moments when you want to kill each other. Between the two peaks is the time that keeps you together. And the essence of my experience is to try to extend that period as much as possible.
So here are some pointer from someone who has been there, done that.
Love needs surrender. Do not let your ego become a barrier between your relationships. If you’ve made a mistake, ask for forgiveness. And the apology should sound sincere and come from the bottom of your heart. A willy-nilly utterance of ‘sorry’ does not cut the mustard.
Forgive and forget. Do not keep bringing up previous fights and what he/she had done two years ago. Never go to bed angry. No one knows when we’ll take our last breath.
Do not keep secrets. You should be like open books to each other. There is nothing more hurtful than finding out something about him/her from a third person. Also, don’t give your better half any reason for doubt or suspicion. Lying, cheating and doing things behind each other’s back are a total no-no. (A surprise party is an exempt!) The more you trust each other, the closer you will get to each other.
This trust should be reciprocated with a promise: Don’t ever use any info that she/he had confided in you as a means to get back at her/him during a fight. If you’d do that, she will become apprehensive, loose her trust in you, and eventually, you will grow apart. Be open minded and open hearted. Even if he has made a mistake and came to you for help, be graceful and hold him up rather than crushing him down.
If your relations are temporarily strained or suspended, there is no need to announce it by your behaviour toward his/her family. They must always be respected and treated in the best manner. You will eventually make up with each other, but they will always remember your ill treatment.
Never attack your spouse by degrading his family, even if they deserve it. In the heat of arguments it feels good to call a spade a spade, but then he would do the same and all the respect for each other would go out the window. So control your tongue. It’s better to be a peace keeper than a self-appointed crusader. Do not throw slurs at the people he/she loves and respects because you will end up bringing disrespect to your own.
Never talk bad about your parents to your in-laws and vice versa. You will create disrespect between the two families. If your spouse ever talks negatively about your parents or siblings, do not convey his/her feelings to them. Similarly, don’t tell your spouse any negative opinions that your family expresses about her/him. It’s best to make a policy of never getting involved in back biting or gossiping. And yes, do not share your spouse’s intimate or embarrassing habits with your friends.
Trust and respect are the bedrock of a happy marriage. Remember that Allah the Most Merciful has described this relationship in His Absolute Wisdom as “you are garments to each other.” Just like your clothes beautify and protect you from the heat and cold of the weather, spouses should cover each other’s fault, complement and protect each other in every which way.
Men have an added responsibility of keeping a balance between the wife and the mother. Each of these women loves you and claims her right on you. Your Jannah is at the feet of your mother but your comfort is in your wife’s arms. Be diplomatic and save both Duniya and Akhira.
Don’t keep thinking that the door to divorce is open; if things didn’t work out, I will call it quits. Don’t be a quitter; it is self defeating. Moreover, divorce destroys you financially and emotionally.
Marriage is like any other undertaking. You have to work at it to be successful. Be a go-getter. Aim for a blooming life. Enjoy the fruit of love and live happily ever after.
Asma Warsi
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Why I love my father.
I am one of those lucky people who have their father alive and well. I have many tender and fond memories from my childhood where I can still visualize my father waking me up in the cold winter mornings and then calling me to snuggle up with him. That used to be OUR time. He used to tell me all sorts of stories, fables, and little narratives from Islamic history in the most interesting way. This is how I learned what a good and practicing Muslim should be.
There are a million reasons why I love my father, but I love and respect him the most for what he is: A man of principles and character. To this day, he has always practiced what he preached and has followed through his words.
He instilled in us to earn Halal, and never ever be tempted with the dazzle of Haram money, no matter how attractive it looked. During the times when our family was going through a very rough time, and we were still small children, although he had opportunities to acquire money illegally, he never did. He taught us that a true Muslim would rather eat bread with water than go by unlawful means to spread butter on it. “Never break the law, whether it’s for a penny or a million,” he would often advise us.
Being steadfast in the face of hardship, his strong trust in Allah (God) has never been shaken. My brother, who my father had sent to England to do his M. Phil, came back successful hoping that he will get a very good job with a well known organization in no time, could not secure a job for about two years. As a university professor, my father knew that his own students were in highly influential positions and if he had asked for a little favour, an excellent job would have fallen in my brother’s lap. In a country where nothing moves without slipping money under the table or having a very high level of approach, he stood by his principles. He never even mentioned anything about it to any one and finally my brother, with the Grace of God and his own effort, became a university professor.
My father trained us to come through mundane as well as atypical situations Islamically by posing us with “what if” questions and then guiding us to the right solutions. I remember when I was a child he brought to me and my siblings a very serious question: “What if a child sees his father killing his mother? Should he testify against him or lie to save his father?” “Of course he has to lie,” I said. “After losing his mother if he loses his father, who will take care of him?” Upon that, he said, “but Allah wants you to speak the truth even if it goes against your own. And Allah will provide for the kid.” This was a great lesson for me in being honest.
A strong believer in the Islamic concept of equality for humanity, he would often invite our housemaid to come and sit with us at the same table and have dinner with us. (This in a society where most people think that maids and servants are the lowest of all and don’t have any rights!)
He has retired as a professor. Throughout his teaching career he advised his students against the bad influence of movies, and addictions like smoking and tobacco. To establish this morality by example, he never stepped inside a theater and never smoked or used tobacco in any shape or form.
He is a soft spoken person. His behaviour to my (late) mother was exemplary. He was always polite and never uttered a harsh word to her. He never touched us in anger or rebuked us. But still, we hated making him unhappy or, God forbid, disappointed in us. When I was doing my Master’s, being away from home and tasting a new found freedom with friends, in the first semester my grades slipped. He simply said to me: “If you don’t do your master’s, I won’t survive.” And that was it for me. I bounced right back. He was very ambitious about his children, and now, is the same about his grand kids.
He has always sacrificed his own desires for us, thus inspiring us to do the same. He is a simple man with few needs. He eats simple, lives simple and tries to help others. In his days of retired life, he has made it a mission to look after the poor and teach the Book of Allah to whoever is willing to learn.
My father is my role model. He practices what he preaches. He has always been a beacon of light for me. Although there is a huge distance between us geographically, I always find him next to me, with his kind smile and reassuring “Allah Malik hey” (Allah will take care of it). I pray to Allah to grant him a long, healthy and useful life and keep his cool, loving shade over us for many years to come. Ameen.
Asma Warsi
There are a million reasons why I love my father, but I love and respect him the most for what he is: A man of principles and character. To this day, he has always practiced what he preached and has followed through his words.
He instilled in us to earn Halal, and never ever be tempted with the dazzle of Haram money, no matter how attractive it looked. During the times when our family was going through a very rough time, and we were still small children, although he had opportunities to acquire money illegally, he never did. He taught us that a true Muslim would rather eat bread with water than go by unlawful means to spread butter on it. “Never break the law, whether it’s for a penny or a million,” he would often advise us.
Being steadfast in the face of hardship, his strong trust in Allah (God) has never been shaken. My brother, who my father had sent to England to do his M. Phil, came back successful hoping that he will get a very good job with a well known organization in no time, could not secure a job for about two years. As a university professor, my father knew that his own students were in highly influential positions and if he had asked for a little favour, an excellent job would have fallen in my brother’s lap. In a country where nothing moves without slipping money under the table or having a very high level of approach, he stood by his principles. He never even mentioned anything about it to any one and finally my brother, with the Grace of God and his own effort, became a university professor.
My father trained us to come through mundane as well as atypical situations Islamically by posing us with “what if” questions and then guiding us to the right solutions. I remember when I was a child he brought to me and my siblings a very serious question: “What if a child sees his father killing his mother? Should he testify against him or lie to save his father?” “Of course he has to lie,” I said. “After losing his mother if he loses his father, who will take care of him?” Upon that, he said, “but Allah wants you to speak the truth even if it goes against your own. And Allah will provide for the kid.” This was a great lesson for me in being honest.
A strong believer in the Islamic concept of equality for humanity, he would often invite our housemaid to come and sit with us at the same table and have dinner with us. (This in a society where most people think that maids and servants are the lowest of all and don’t have any rights!)
He has retired as a professor. Throughout his teaching career he advised his students against the bad influence of movies, and addictions like smoking and tobacco. To establish this morality by example, he never stepped inside a theater and never smoked or used tobacco in any shape or form.
He is a soft spoken person. His behaviour to my (late) mother was exemplary. He was always polite and never uttered a harsh word to her. He never touched us in anger or rebuked us. But still, we hated making him unhappy or, God forbid, disappointed in us. When I was doing my Master’s, being away from home and tasting a new found freedom with friends, in the first semester my grades slipped. He simply said to me: “If you don’t do your master’s, I won’t survive.” And that was it for me. I bounced right back. He was very ambitious about his children, and now, is the same about his grand kids.
He has always sacrificed his own desires for us, thus inspiring us to do the same. He is a simple man with few needs. He eats simple, lives simple and tries to help others. In his days of retired life, he has made it a mission to look after the poor and teach the Book of Allah to whoever is willing to learn.
My father is my role model. He practices what he preaches. He has always been a beacon of light for me. Although there is a huge distance between us geographically, I always find him next to me, with his kind smile and reassuring “Allah Malik hey” (Allah will take care of it). I pray to Allah to grant him a long, healthy and useful life and keep his cool, loving shade over us for many years to come. Ameen.
Asma Warsi
Sunday, March 1, 2009
Now you see it, now you don’t.
‘All glory is fleeting’. I felt the truth of this statement after my visit to Casa Loma in the heart of Toronto.
Casa Loma is the former estate of Sir Henry Mill Pellatt. The son of an avid stock broker and a financier and industrialist himself, Pellatt was a man of fine taste. He loved entertaining VIP’s and vowed to build a one hundred-room castle fit for the Royal dignitaries. At a time when an average 4-bedroom house in Toronto was around 2,500 dollars, he pledged to spend 100 times that money on the construction of his dream house. Begun in 1911, it took 300 workers around 3 years to complete the construction at an expense of three and a half million dollars at that time.
Each room was a master-piece of architecture in its own. The finest material -- mahogany, walnut, and oak, Italian stained glass, and marble -- adorned the ceilings and the walls. The handpicked furniture was of the best quality money could buy. It also reflected the mood and use of each room. For example, Lady Mary Pellatt’s suite had the detailed work on the furniture mirroring the carving on the mantle and plaster cornice. In the library, the herringbone pattern on the oak floor created different shadings when viewed from opposite sides. The Elizabethan inspired ceiling featured elaborated plaster detailing, including the Pellatt coat of arms.
A garage housed Sir Henry’s collection of motor cars including Toronto’s first electric car, and the stalls, made of mahogany and Spanish tiles, were abode to his horses. He had about forty servants to look after the gigantic residence for himself and his wife, Lady Mary.
A five and a half acre garden featured sparkling fountains, unique sculpture and dazzling displays of rare annuals and perennials, and the towers provided the breath-taking view of the city from the highest point of the property.
Yet, for all the marvel they possessed, Lady Mary soon became confined to her wheelchair and stayed mostly in her suite, overlooking the gardens, not being able to fully enjoy the luxurious home her husband had built for her.
Then, in 1929, when the stock markets plunged, so did Sir Henry’s empire. He only lived and enjoyed his enormously giant and gloriously decorated architect for less than ten years. He became so stranded for money that, unable to pay the expenses and tax on the property, he had to abandon the castle and at one point had to seek shelter in his chauffeur’s house. To add to his sorrow, his beloved wife soon passed away. Mr. Pellatt decided to remarry later, but after only two years, became a widower a second time.
Sir Henry quickly saw his dream fade away before his eyes. The unique pieces of furniture, the marvelous decorations, and art collections, all had to be auctioned off. He even had to sell his beloved wife’s wheel chair to pay for expenses.
Finally, unable to pay the taxes or maintain the property, with class he decided to donate the castle to the City who opened it to public for viewing as a historical building. The Kiwanis Club of Casa Loma took over the maintenance and operation of the Castle.
And thus the story of a great rise and fall ended.
Sir Pallet’s life story is an inspiring one – it reminded me of the old proverb ‘man proposes, God disposes’. In other words, all our life, we strive for money, fame and status but these are peripherals that can part with us at any time. Sometimes we try to fine tune every detail about our future but it turns out to be something completely opposite to our dreams. That is where our mathematical calculations fail and we must bow our heads down and surrender to the power of our Lord.
Asma Warsi
Casa Loma is the former estate of Sir Henry Mill Pellatt. The son of an avid stock broker and a financier and industrialist himself, Pellatt was a man of fine taste. He loved entertaining VIP’s and vowed to build a one hundred-room castle fit for the Royal dignitaries. At a time when an average 4-bedroom house in Toronto was around 2,500 dollars, he pledged to spend 100 times that money on the construction of his dream house. Begun in 1911, it took 300 workers around 3 years to complete the construction at an expense of three and a half million dollars at that time.
Each room was a master-piece of architecture in its own. The finest material -- mahogany, walnut, and oak, Italian stained glass, and marble -- adorned the ceilings and the walls. The handpicked furniture was of the best quality money could buy. It also reflected the mood and use of each room. For example, Lady Mary Pellatt’s suite had the detailed work on the furniture mirroring the carving on the mantle and plaster cornice. In the library, the herringbone pattern on the oak floor created different shadings when viewed from opposite sides. The Elizabethan inspired ceiling featured elaborated plaster detailing, including the Pellatt coat of arms.
A garage housed Sir Henry’s collection of motor cars including Toronto’s first electric car, and the stalls, made of mahogany and Spanish tiles, were abode to his horses. He had about forty servants to look after the gigantic residence for himself and his wife, Lady Mary.
A five and a half acre garden featured sparkling fountains, unique sculpture and dazzling displays of rare annuals and perennials, and the towers provided the breath-taking view of the city from the highest point of the property.
Yet, for all the marvel they possessed, Lady Mary soon became confined to her wheelchair and stayed mostly in her suite, overlooking the gardens, not being able to fully enjoy the luxurious home her husband had built for her.
Then, in 1929, when the stock markets plunged, so did Sir Henry’s empire. He only lived and enjoyed his enormously giant and gloriously decorated architect for less than ten years. He became so stranded for money that, unable to pay the expenses and tax on the property, he had to abandon the castle and at one point had to seek shelter in his chauffeur’s house. To add to his sorrow, his beloved wife soon passed away. Mr. Pellatt decided to remarry later, but after only two years, became a widower a second time.
Sir Henry quickly saw his dream fade away before his eyes. The unique pieces of furniture, the marvelous decorations, and art collections, all had to be auctioned off. He even had to sell his beloved wife’s wheel chair to pay for expenses.
Finally, unable to pay the taxes or maintain the property, with class he decided to donate the castle to the City who opened it to public for viewing as a historical building. The Kiwanis Club of Casa Loma took over the maintenance and operation of the Castle.
And thus the story of a great rise and fall ended.
Sir Pallet’s life story is an inspiring one – it reminded me of the old proverb ‘man proposes, God disposes’. In other words, all our life, we strive for money, fame and status but these are peripherals that can part with us at any time. Sometimes we try to fine tune every detail about our future but it turns out to be something completely opposite to our dreams. That is where our mathematical calculations fail and we must bow our heads down and surrender to the power of our Lord.
Asma Warsi
Monday, January 19, 2009
Violence Against Weak Has No Limits
As the story about the creation of man goes, the Qur’an mentions that when Allah (God) declared it to the angels that He is going to make a being called human, they humbly asked Him why He was going to create something that will bring bloodshed on the earth? And Allah replied, “I know what you don’t.”
This story hints towards the violent character of mankind; that it is intrinsically entrenched in his nature to be aggressive, cruel and vicious.
There is no other specie in the animal kingdom that would kill another of its kind without a dire need, like hunger or fear. And even then, they don’t take pleasure in torturing their prey. They just kill, eat and go about doing their business.
Man has the special honour of being the most excellent of all the creations but he can also be the most evil one.
He could be scared to death of the aliens and beasts, and yet would not shy of violence against his own kind, the ones that are weaker than him.
Take for example the male violence against the female kind. Men, in general, are physically stronger than women. So if and when they see the need, they abuse the same woman that they claim to love! This abuse can be in different shapes and forms. It can be mentally and psychologically belittling her, emotionally scarring her, or physically hurting her.
Their own offspring are not protected from their wrath and sometimes it results in the killing of a female family member. In the olden days, in the days of Jahilia (ignorance, before Islam), fathers used to burry the female child alive; killings are still going on today -- sometimes in the name of religion (as in burning the wife on her husband’s pyre,) sometimes in the name of the honour of the family, sometimes as a punishment for not bringing enough dowry and sometimes just for getting even for or during an argument.
Violence against elders is not an unheard phenomenon. Actually it is on the rise even in the so called ‘civilized’ societies. Financially unstable parents who have to live with their grown up children will, in many cases, testify to this statement. Stories of children forcefully taking their parents’ pension cheques, leaving them in substandard conditions at homes, not taking care of them, subjecting elderly parents unduly to work like a slave at home, while themselves going about spending and having a good time, all this comes under abuse. Refusal to obedience from parents could often result in disrespectful verbal, even corporal punishment.
As a community, violence against poor is very common in third world countries. An otherwise weak but rich man can bring hell to a strong but poor fellow and his family. The poor can be beaten to death, the female members of his family humiliated and children subjected to unbearable torture, for any action alleged by the rich as unacceptable.
Violence is committed against a race perceived as inferior by another race. This violence has led to slavery of a whole people, depriving them of their language, culture, religion, and their self-worth.
Strong countries invade weaker ones and commit all kinds of atrocities. It’s violence against nations.
What is the cause of all this violence? If I were a social scientist, I would probably analyze human mind; talk about nature versus nurture; the cycle of violence, and the likes. But I am not one. The only thing I know is that we CHOOSE to be violent.
And the reason for my argument is that we are selective in our violent behaviour. We don’t strike someone stronger than us (because we know the consequences!) Our fierceness is limited to the ones who can not hit back; who are inferior to us in some way or the other. And that is because man is also a very clever animal. If we don’t anticipate an equal response, we become audacious in our actions. We start getting a kick out of humiliating others. The absence of accountability for our actions strengthens our superiority complex and arrogance.
And arrogance brings us in the company of Iblees (Satan), the cursed one.
We probably can not help the whole humanity, but to eradicate violence from our families, we need two-pronged remedy: One for the perpetrator, the other for the victim. As Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) has said: “You must help both; the one who has been wronged-against and the wrong-doer – help one by empowering him and the other by stopping him from committing wrong.”
We have to empower the weak elements with legal and community support, financial independence, and at the same time spiritual training.
The stronger elements should be made more accountable by the law, public pressure, open condemnation, and, of course, with spiritual training.
The task is not easy. But Rome was not built in one day.
Asma Warsi
This story hints towards the violent character of mankind; that it is intrinsically entrenched in his nature to be aggressive, cruel and vicious.
There is no other specie in the animal kingdom that would kill another of its kind without a dire need, like hunger or fear. And even then, they don’t take pleasure in torturing their prey. They just kill, eat and go about doing their business.
Man has the special honour of being the most excellent of all the creations but he can also be the most evil one.
He could be scared to death of the aliens and beasts, and yet would not shy of violence against his own kind, the ones that are weaker than him.
Take for example the male violence against the female kind. Men, in general, are physically stronger than women. So if and when they see the need, they abuse the same woman that they claim to love! This abuse can be in different shapes and forms. It can be mentally and psychologically belittling her, emotionally scarring her, or physically hurting her.
Their own offspring are not protected from their wrath and sometimes it results in the killing of a female family member. In the olden days, in the days of Jahilia (ignorance, before Islam), fathers used to burry the female child alive; killings are still going on today -- sometimes in the name of religion (as in burning the wife on her husband’s pyre,) sometimes in the name of the honour of the family, sometimes as a punishment for not bringing enough dowry and sometimes just for getting even for or during an argument.
Violence against elders is not an unheard phenomenon. Actually it is on the rise even in the so called ‘civilized’ societies. Financially unstable parents who have to live with their grown up children will, in many cases, testify to this statement. Stories of children forcefully taking their parents’ pension cheques, leaving them in substandard conditions at homes, not taking care of them, subjecting elderly parents unduly to work like a slave at home, while themselves going about spending and having a good time, all this comes under abuse. Refusal to obedience from parents could often result in disrespectful verbal, even corporal punishment.
As a community, violence against poor is very common in third world countries. An otherwise weak but rich man can bring hell to a strong but poor fellow and his family. The poor can be beaten to death, the female members of his family humiliated and children subjected to unbearable torture, for any action alleged by the rich as unacceptable.
Violence is committed against a race perceived as inferior by another race. This violence has led to slavery of a whole people, depriving them of their language, culture, religion, and their self-worth.
Strong countries invade weaker ones and commit all kinds of atrocities. It’s violence against nations.
What is the cause of all this violence? If I were a social scientist, I would probably analyze human mind; talk about nature versus nurture; the cycle of violence, and the likes. But I am not one. The only thing I know is that we CHOOSE to be violent.
And the reason for my argument is that we are selective in our violent behaviour. We don’t strike someone stronger than us (because we know the consequences!) Our fierceness is limited to the ones who can not hit back; who are inferior to us in some way or the other. And that is because man is also a very clever animal. If we don’t anticipate an equal response, we become audacious in our actions. We start getting a kick out of humiliating others. The absence of accountability for our actions strengthens our superiority complex and arrogance.
And arrogance brings us in the company of Iblees (Satan), the cursed one.
We probably can not help the whole humanity, but to eradicate violence from our families, we need two-pronged remedy: One for the perpetrator, the other for the victim. As Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) has said: “You must help both; the one who has been wronged-against and the wrong-doer – help one by empowering him and the other by stopping him from committing wrong.”
We have to empower the weak elements with legal and community support, financial independence, and at the same time spiritual training.
The stronger elements should be made more accountable by the law, public pressure, open condemnation, and, of course, with spiritual training.
The task is not easy. But Rome was not built in one day.
Asma Warsi
Saturday, January 17, 2009
Mother’s Day
In the Qur’an, the declaration to respect your parents comes right after the command to obey God. This verdict is repeated seven times in the same order. And the famous Hadith of the Prophet (pbuh) about the position of mother when he told a companion three times to “serve your mother” before saying “serve your father” is a household word.
In many countries and cultures, a special day is set aside for recognizing mothers.
Children prepare breakfast for the Mom and bring it to her bed. Some kids give mothers blank cheques for different chores that they would do for them on demand. Grown up kids bring mothers flowers or gifts, take them out for a lavish lunch or dinner and hence express their love and admiration for that most respected woman.
Islam encourages expressing love to people in our life. The more important the person, the deeper the love is.
May 11th is the Mother’s Day in Canada this year (2008). I have some suggestions regarding how to celebrate this day.
This Mother’s Day, treat your mother with your love, respect and kindness for a few hours. And then make it a habit.
If she is alive, spend time with her. Rub her feet; your Jannah lies under her feet. Ask for her forgiveness for anything that you have done to hurt her feelings, whether knowingly or unknowingly; she may not be around the next year.
Make a pledge to yourself that you’ll never talk back to her -- it breaks her heart.
Handle her as if she is a priceless piece of crystal; once gone, it’s gone forever. She may be hard on you sometimes, but you had been very, very hard on her a lot of times.
Talk to her with a smile on your face; keep your frowns away.
Sometimes it’s not your words but the tone of your voice that tells her that you are irritated with her. Avoid that tone and always be patient and polite with her, even when she really annoys you.
Never discredit her opinion right out. Don’t forget, no matter how old you get, you are still her “baby.” Obviously you don’t want her to run your life, but be tactful, not blunt.
Take pride in being obedient to your mother, even in front of your friends; if they are really your friends, they will appreciate it. If they don’t, they don’t deserve your company.
It’s nice to bring her flowers or a gift, but more than that, it’s your TIME that she yearns for. If she lives away from you, make sure to keep in touch as much as you can. She never gets bored of hearing your voice.
Ask her to make Dua’ for you as her supplication goes straight to the heaven and Allah answers a mother’s prayers for her child more than anyone else’s.
If she is not in this world to make dua’ for you, send her the best gift that you can ever give her: Recite some Qur’an and make a dua FOR her. Feed some poor people on her behalf, clothe someone who can not afford to do that, or give some money in charity in her name.
The best charity is the one that continues for a long time, also called Sadiqa-e-Jariah. Find out about the projects that satisfy this need and give some sadaqa for her. It does not have to be a million dollars; even ten dollars suffice, since Allah knows the intentions and rewards accordingly.
If she had not performed Hajj in her life and you can afford to do that, make a Hajj-ul-badal for her.
Ask Allah to forgive her sins, grant her the best place in the paradise and bless her soul with peace.
After doing all this and more, you still won’t be able to pay her back for what she had done for you.
She carried you inside her body for nine long months while suffering a lot of discomfort, went through the pains of labour, nursed (or bottle-fed) you every time you were hungry, took care of you while working for money, bore with your demands, put up with your attitude, listened to your complaints about the unfairness of life and more.
She kissed your hurts away and gave you the confidence that you can face the whole world.
She smiled with you and cried with you. She saw you growing big and strong while herself sliding into old age and fragility, prayed for your long life while ready to give her own life for you, and tried to even leave you with some inheritance when she passed away.
In her dreams she saw you as an adult -- accomplished and influential. She saw you grow from a little weak seedling into a strong tree. Trying to nurture you in the best possible way, she sacrificed her today for your tomorrow.
Yes, this is YOUR mother. This is MY mother: The woman who deserves our salute!!
Asma Warsi
In many countries and cultures, a special day is set aside for recognizing mothers.
Children prepare breakfast for the Mom and bring it to her bed. Some kids give mothers blank cheques for different chores that they would do for them on demand. Grown up kids bring mothers flowers or gifts, take them out for a lavish lunch or dinner and hence express their love and admiration for that most respected woman.
Islam encourages expressing love to people in our life. The more important the person, the deeper the love is.
May 11th is the Mother’s Day in Canada this year (2008). I have some suggestions regarding how to celebrate this day.
This Mother’s Day, treat your mother with your love, respect and kindness for a few hours. And then make it a habit.
If she is alive, spend time with her. Rub her feet; your Jannah lies under her feet. Ask for her forgiveness for anything that you have done to hurt her feelings, whether knowingly or unknowingly; she may not be around the next year.
Make a pledge to yourself that you’ll never talk back to her -- it breaks her heart.
Handle her as if she is a priceless piece of crystal; once gone, it’s gone forever. She may be hard on you sometimes, but you had been very, very hard on her a lot of times.
Talk to her with a smile on your face; keep your frowns away.
Sometimes it’s not your words but the tone of your voice that tells her that you are irritated with her. Avoid that tone and always be patient and polite with her, even when she really annoys you.
Never discredit her opinion right out. Don’t forget, no matter how old you get, you are still her “baby.” Obviously you don’t want her to run your life, but be tactful, not blunt.
Take pride in being obedient to your mother, even in front of your friends; if they are really your friends, they will appreciate it. If they don’t, they don’t deserve your company.
It’s nice to bring her flowers or a gift, but more than that, it’s your TIME that she yearns for. If she lives away from you, make sure to keep in touch as much as you can. She never gets bored of hearing your voice.
Ask her to make Dua’ for you as her supplication goes straight to the heaven and Allah answers a mother’s prayers for her child more than anyone else’s.
If she is not in this world to make dua’ for you, send her the best gift that you can ever give her: Recite some Qur’an and make a dua FOR her. Feed some poor people on her behalf, clothe someone who can not afford to do that, or give some money in charity in her name.
The best charity is the one that continues for a long time, also called Sadiqa-e-Jariah. Find out about the projects that satisfy this need and give some sadaqa for her. It does not have to be a million dollars; even ten dollars suffice, since Allah knows the intentions and rewards accordingly.
If she had not performed Hajj in her life and you can afford to do that, make a Hajj-ul-badal for her.
Ask Allah to forgive her sins, grant her the best place in the paradise and bless her soul with peace.
After doing all this and more, you still won’t be able to pay her back for what she had done for you.
She carried you inside her body for nine long months while suffering a lot of discomfort, went through the pains of labour, nursed (or bottle-fed) you every time you were hungry, took care of you while working for money, bore with your demands, put up with your attitude, listened to your complaints about the unfairness of life and more.
She kissed your hurts away and gave you the confidence that you can face the whole world.
She smiled with you and cried with you. She saw you growing big and strong while herself sliding into old age and fragility, prayed for your long life while ready to give her own life for you, and tried to even leave you with some inheritance when she passed away.
In her dreams she saw you as an adult -- accomplished and influential. She saw you grow from a little weak seedling into a strong tree. Trying to nurture you in the best possible way, she sacrificed her today for your tomorrow.
Yes, this is YOUR mother. This is MY mother: The woman who deserves our salute!!
Asma Warsi
Celebrations and Resolutions: Muslim Style.
I used to be of the opinion that Muslims should not celebrate the New Year since it is not OUR new year. It is about Christian era and thus it’s only for Christians to celebrate. There is nothing for us Muslims to be jubilant about the beginning of a Gregorian year.
But I have revisited my opinion. The calendar we are using today is Common Era (C.E.) and after all, we go about doing our business around the world according to this calendar.
Throughout the world, we follow these dates and times. Since the world has become a global village, people who have their own calendars, like Chinese, Indian, Libyan, etc. also do respect the CE dates when it comes to dealing with other countries. Hence, as much as I love the Hijri calendar, I have decided to be happy about the beginning of this New Year.
It was just a coincidence that the Muslim Hijri new year started this year just about at the end of December -- 29th to be exact.
The irony is that Muslims don’t celebrate the new beginning with a bash. Rather, we are overwhelmed with the grief and sorrow of the Shahadat (martyrdom) of the grandson of the Prophet, Hussain (ra), when he faced Yazid’s huge army with just a handful of male members of his family along with his companions in Karbala.
So I welcomed the year 2009 with a graceful and rather sober greeting. I prayed for peace, prosperity, health, well-being and strong Iman for all of us.
And I also made my new year’s resolution.
I was born and raised in an Islamic family where we were always mindful of our actions being Halal in the sight of Allah. Moderation and balance was also practiced in our daily lives. While rejoicing our successes and achievements, we were told that Muslims are instructed to remember that all the success is from Allah, and to be thankful to Him, and to not neglect poor and needy in times of joy. Feeding relatives and close friends and exchanging gifts was a good practice and also a form of Sadaqa, however, we must never forget the needy. My mother personally delivered food, clothes and money to people who were so humble that they wouldn’t extend their hands for help to anyone.
Today, we are a little bit too pre-occupied with self indulgence. We seem to forget the importance of being grateful to the One Who makes things happen. We also spend less in charity. Moderation, too, is becoming a thing of the past.
Once a Muslim scholar asked a Caliph: “Consider yourself in a desert on a very hot day. There is no water around and you are dying of thirst. At that point if someone brings to you a glass of water and in return asks for half of your estate, would you accept the offer?” “Of course,” the Caliph replied.
“And then, imagine this water does not come out from your body in the form of urine and sweat, you are dying of pain and discomfort, and someone offers you a remedy for the other half of your estate, would you accept the offer?” The Caliph again replied in affirmative.
Upon this, the scholar said: “All that you possess in this world is only worth a glass of water. So why not spend from it in the way of Allah, feed the poor, shelter the orphan and help the needy. Allah will reward you and give you many fold as He has promised.”
So let’s remember Allah and give in his way while we can still do that.
Most people in Canada are just three pay cheques away from becoming homeless. Blessed are the ones who cherish the time of prosperity and make their savings in the bank of Allah, Who gives us from somewhere we can’t even imagine.
I will ask my kids not to celebrate my birthday in the customary way of having dinner and gifts. I will tell them to save a dollar a day in my name and if Allah granted me another year to live, give this money to poor and needy instead.
Being part of the Western society, we can participate in different types of celebrations – but with a Muslim touch, always keeping the balance between religion and culture.
I will start collecting a-dollar-a-day in my piggy bank and give it to poor. That’s my new year’s resolution.
Asma Warsi
But I have revisited my opinion. The calendar we are using today is Common Era (C.E.) and after all, we go about doing our business around the world according to this calendar.
Throughout the world, we follow these dates and times. Since the world has become a global village, people who have their own calendars, like Chinese, Indian, Libyan, etc. also do respect the CE dates when it comes to dealing with other countries. Hence, as much as I love the Hijri calendar, I have decided to be happy about the beginning of this New Year.
It was just a coincidence that the Muslim Hijri new year started this year just about at the end of December -- 29th to be exact.
The irony is that Muslims don’t celebrate the new beginning with a bash. Rather, we are overwhelmed with the grief and sorrow of the Shahadat (martyrdom) of the grandson of the Prophet, Hussain (ra), when he faced Yazid’s huge army with just a handful of male members of his family along with his companions in Karbala.
So I welcomed the year 2009 with a graceful and rather sober greeting. I prayed for peace, prosperity, health, well-being and strong Iman for all of us.
And I also made my new year’s resolution.
I was born and raised in an Islamic family where we were always mindful of our actions being Halal in the sight of Allah. Moderation and balance was also practiced in our daily lives. While rejoicing our successes and achievements, we were told that Muslims are instructed to remember that all the success is from Allah, and to be thankful to Him, and to not neglect poor and needy in times of joy. Feeding relatives and close friends and exchanging gifts was a good practice and also a form of Sadaqa, however, we must never forget the needy. My mother personally delivered food, clothes and money to people who were so humble that they wouldn’t extend their hands for help to anyone.
Today, we are a little bit too pre-occupied with self indulgence. We seem to forget the importance of being grateful to the One Who makes things happen. We also spend less in charity. Moderation, too, is becoming a thing of the past.
Once a Muslim scholar asked a Caliph: “Consider yourself in a desert on a very hot day. There is no water around and you are dying of thirst. At that point if someone brings to you a glass of water and in return asks for half of your estate, would you accept the offer?” “Of course,” the Caliph replied.
“And then, imagine this water does not come out from your body in the form of urine and sweat, you are dying of pain and discomfort, and someone offers you a remedy for the other half of your estate, would you accept the offer?” The Caliph again replied in affirmative.
Upon this, the scholar said: “All that you possess in this world is only worth a glass of water. So why not spend from it in the way of Allah, feed the poor, shelter the orphan and help the needy. Allah will reward you and give you many fold as He has promised.”
So let’s remember Allah and give in his way while we can still do that.
Most people in Canada are just three pay cheques away from becoming homeless. Blessed are the ones who cherish the time of prosperity and make their savings in the bank of Allah, Who gives us from somewhere we can’t even imagine.
I will ask my kids not to celebrate my birthday in the customary way of having dinner and gifts. I will tell them to save a dollar a day in my name and if Allah granted me another year to live, give this money to poor and needy instead.
Being part of the Western society, we can participate in different types of celebrations – but with a Muslim touch, always keeping the balance between religion and culture.
I will start collecting a-dollar-a-day in my piggy bank and give it to poor. That’s my new year’s resolution.
Asma Warsi
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